Dart Valley Writers U3A

 

 

 

Lucy Willetts

 

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Prime suspect - a radio script

 

 
   

 

F/X:  INT.  POLICE INTERVIEW ROOM

 

POLICEMAN:           

The time is nineteen hundred hours on Monday, 22nd July 2013. My name is PC Charles Sutton ... but you can call me Chas if you like.  Also present is.

 

COLLEAGUE:          

PC Harriet Webb. 

 

POLICEMAN:            

Harry, to her friends.

 

SUSPECT:               

Nice to meet you Harry, but shouldn't that be WPC Webb?

 

POLICEMAN:           

Good Lord, no!  This is the twenty first century.  Being PC is of paramount importance.

 

SUSPECT:               

As opposed to WPC?

 

POLICEMAN:           

Yes.  I mean, no.  It's important to be PC as opposed to non-PC, as opposed to PC, as opposed to WPC.  WPC is now considered to be sexist and derogatory, so albeit Harry is - as you can see; a WPC - she is now; just a PC.

 

SUSPECT:                

I think I follow.

 

POLICEMAN:           

Can you please give me your full name?

 

SUSPECT:                

Just call me Fingers - everyone else does.

 

POLICEMAN:           

Very well.  For the purposes of the tape, can you confirm that there are no other persons present in the interview room?

 

SUSPECT:                 

No.

 

POLICEMAN:           

No there aren't or no you can't confirm that there aren't?

 

SUSPECT:               

Well, I'm here, aren't I?

 

POLICEMAN:           

Besides you.

 

SUSPECT:               

Well, there's Harry.

 

POLICEMAN:           

Besides you, Harry and myself, are there any other persons present in the interview room?

 

SUSPECT:               

Blimey, they could do with you on that Specsavers ad.

 

POLICEMAN:           

Do you understand why you've been arrested?

 

SUSPECT:               

No - as it goes, I don't.

 

POLICEMAN:           

Earlier this afternoon, a gentleman - known to the local constabulary as 'Mad Mandeep,' was mugged for his personal stereo.  We have reason to believe that you might be responsible.

 

SUSPECT:               

I didn't nick no stereo!  You searched me - I was clean!

 

POLICEMAN:            

Aah - but here lies our problem.  You see; Mr. Mandeep didn't actually have a personal stereo on his possession at the time of the attempted robbery.

 

SUSPECT:               

But you just said he was mugged for it?

 

POLICEMAN:           

He was. 

 

SUSPECT:                

But I thought he didn't have one?

 

POLICEMAN:           

He didn't. 

 

SUSPECT:               

So how is it I'm supposed to have robbed a stereo off somebody who didn't have a stereo?

 

POLICEMAN:           

(SIGHS) The problem lies with Mr. Mandeep, I'm afraid.  He does have a tendency to make a song and dance out of nothing.

 

SUSPECT:               

Well there you go then - what's saying he's not making this up?

 

POLICEMAN:            

I was referring to his personal stereo.  His headphones weren't attached to anything ... they never are.  A man fitting your description was however seen at the scene of the crime.

 

SUSPECT:               

Description?  What description?

 

POLICEMAN:           

Witnesses describe the suspect as having a ‘Super Mario' style moustache and spectacles scribbled on his face in what looked like black ink.  (BEAT)  PERMANENT black ink. 

 

END