Dart Valley Writers U3A




Val Deplege


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CHEESE (A little morsel of Cheesy Nonsense ... )

Cheese, as far as I'm concerned - gets completely undeserved bad press.

I mean, what did a nice chunk of crumbly Cheshire ever do to deserve being mentioned every time a person feels a bit down in the dumps or fed up - or as some would have it, cheesed off..?

How did that wonderfully tasty wedge of creamy Stilton manage to be associated with the telling of a lame joke or a bad sitcom - as in "How cheesy is that..??" - or even a fake leer from a would-be Lothario with a dismissive "Never trust a cheesy grin". For 'sleaze', read 'cheese' it would seem. Unfair.

And why is a much respected slice of vintage Cheddar dragged into a derogatory retort designed to silence an adversary with a snide "Hard cheese, Mate" or, even worse, a snorted "Well, hard Cheddar cheese then, Sunbeam.." I ask you - not very nice for the poor old slice, is it?

Personally, I feel a law should be passed to stop this blatant cheese-belittlement without further affront to all our Beloved Bries, Wonderful Wensleydales et al.

Let people go around muttering "Chutney off, Chum" and "Oh, Get Gherkinned", or even "Well, I feel quite piccalillied off about that". Give the condiments a taste of this insulting behaviour, I say - and just see how they like those onions...

How much nicer would it be if folks were to make comments like "Hey, that was a Halloumi of a honeymoon", and "It really was a Red Leicester Day for me when I won the lottery", or - surely the ultimate compliment - "That blue dress really does look Gorgonzola on you, Georgina", and such like.

I think it's time all this Denigration of Double Gloucester and its ilk was stopped, don't you?

Quite frankly, I'm a bit cheesed off with it...